I've been with my fiancee for over three years, but now with the wedding coming up in April I am making sure there is nothing he is hiding from me about his past, or what he may be doing now. Yesterday I logged into his personal Yahoo account, and found pictures of porn saved in a file with all the files dated in June. Today I snooped some more, and found that he has another Yahoo account, so I looked at his profile and he is using another name and has listed himself as being single and looking. Then I found he has a Hotmail account, and in his address book the address of this girl with whom he works with, yet declares he hates with a passion.
I've also checked his Yahoo Messenger, and found a message dated back in March from a girl who said "Can't wait to chat again, sweet dreams!"
I have found no proof yet that he is cheating; yet with all this information I am discovering I feel that I will find proof very soon.
Normally I would not do this sort of thing, but I do not want to marry a liar, and end up getting divorced.
Should I e-mail his "friends" and ask what is going on, and if so how?
Boutika Work Designer
Posts: 101
(8/9/02 10:15 pm) Reply
Re: Help, please read!
hi, Julienne. can you ask him directly about his internet activity? maybe there's a good explanation. Since you've known him for a few years, you would have a way of knowing whether he's telling you the truth or not.
FionaFiona Boutika Forum Mod
Posts: 450
(8/10/02 2:53 am) Reply
Re: Help, please read!
You poor thing I agree with Sheryll - the best thing might be to just ask him directly - you never know, there might be a perfectly reasonable explanation.
sabinky Boutika Site Owner
Posts: 3028
(8/10/02 9:14 am) Reply
Re: Help, please read!
I don't think that you can ask him directly because you would have to explain that you have been snooping, which is a huge violation of privacy.
I don't see anything wrong with enjoying adult content online. Online relationships are an entirely different matter, however. If he is just friends with people, then that is okay. But if they are intimate online, then that may be a problem. One sure way to find out is to create a user name and find him in one of his chat rooms. If you have only one computer and he is online, go to the library. If you know the chat rooms he hangs out in and his alternate nickname, start flirting with him. Ask him questions. Try to build an online relationship with him over several days or weeks. Then see if he will meet you alter ego in person or if he will at least have cyber relations with your alter ego.
The way I see it though is you don't trust him. The fact that you have these questions is enough for me to suggest that perhaps you evaluate your relationship. When I was getting married, my concerns were all about the wedding and the relatives driving me crazy. I never thought about if he was cheating or not.
lulu Boutika Forum Mod
Posts: 283
(8/12/02 8:21 am) Reply
Re: Help, please read!
Hello everyone, I would have replied earlier Julienne but I just got back from London today so I haven't had time. This is a pickle! I can't say I disagree with any of the girlies advice, but I can't say I know which one you should use!
With Binky's advice though, if you 'meet' then you will have to explain what you are doing flirting online anyway, as well as explaining how you knew he was doing it, which you will have to do ANYWAY to ask him - tough choice but we girlies are here for each other so we'll help you through it!
Luv and Kisses,
Lu
XXX
sabinky Boutika Site Owner
Posts: 3048
(8/13/02 5:08 pm) Reply
Re: Help, please read!
I don't think they actually have to meet. It would be enough if he agreed to it. Either way though, I think the trust issue is what is giving me concern about this. Maybe I am wrong. I don't know. Don't listen to me, I tend to be insane
Re: Help, please read!
Sorry I'm late getting to this one. I think all of the advice is good...you have to do what is best for you though. The main thing I agree with is what Sabinka brought up- before the wedding you should be worried about cake and dresses, not cheating
sabinky Boutika Site Owner
Posts: 3177
(9/8/02 2:15 pm) Reply
Re: Help, please read!
hmmm... we have not heard a peep about this. update us, we are dying to know what happened!!!!
I agree with Sheryll - the best thing might be to just ask him directly - you never know, there might be a perfectly reasonable explanation. 
!
Email This To a Friend
Topic Commands
Click to receive email notification of replies 
Click to stop receiving email notification of replies