JP PART 1 of 2

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Stacy heard the footsteps echoing down here in the death chamber of her dignity. It was bad enough that she had let someone get the better of her in an argument that the other couldn't even understand, it was quite another to become upset about it. And she, admittedly, was very upset. That was what hurt the most, that she couldn't stay hidden here...not only was she forced to interact with men who weren't paying for her services, but there were women (and men too) here who were so nice.

Mana was among that group and she was glad that it was Mana who had come. “Ah, hey, Stacy, sorry, but, you know, having this link between us now means I know and can feel when you are upset. You can tell me to go away or whatever, but if you need to talk,”“I’m here,” Stacy smiled through the tears that piqued in her eyes. "Well tha' link is right...I ain' feelin' like myself right now." A small smile tinged her face, deformed with scales. And she knew she was ugly...it wasn't a question of acceptance or denial, she just was. It was like the essential T.S.Elliot question: Dare I disturb the universe? Well Stacy's essential question, unfortunately was: Do I dare show my face in public?

And the answer was no for a reason. She wasn't fit for society's rules or games. Looking up at Mana, she gave her a smile. "There ain' no reason fer me ta lie ta ya." She looked down at her hands, and drew her arms around her waist. "I don' wanna keep it in anymore...the pain I mean. If ya..." Stacy let her voice trail off. "I know it ain' fair, but if ya would listen, I'd like ta tell ya my story. Jus'...jus' to get it outta my system."

Stacy prayed that Mana wouldn't shun her...but she steeled herself against a resounding no. What would make Stacy think Mana would want to listen to the sob story that was her life? Still, she couldn't help but hope...hope was all she had left.

Leaning her head to the side, Mana let a small smile cross her features as her presence was accepted and welcomed by Stacy. As the girl continued to talk, Mana covered the distance remaining, finding a comfortable position sitting beside her. "I know it ain' fair, but if ya would listen, I'd like ta tell ya my story. Jus'...jus' to get it outta my system." Mana shuddered at the intense emotion behind those words, and the other feeling… was it hope?

“Of course I will listen, Stace, er, I mean Stacy, what do you prefer?” but before getting the answer, Mana touched the girl on the arm gently, letting her know to go ahead and spill it all.

Everyone here came with a past, however horrific, unpleasant, or otherwise it may have been. Every mutant had an emotional turmoil to tell about, and every other mutant, if they wanted to, had an ear to listen.

Stacy was more than grateful when Mana agreed to listen to her. It was such a relief to know that someone would help her...even if she didn't know her all that well. “Of course I will listen, Stace, er, I mean Stacy, what do you prefer?” A small smile graced her face, "Either's fine, I'm used ta Stace, but my foster mother named me Stacy..." She let her voice trail off. "I guess tha’s a good place ta start...my foster family."

As if the sun was sucked out of her body, the smile drained from her face. "It's not tha' they were bad ta me. Don' think tha' at all." Stacy said, moving closer to Mana. "They weren't mean ta me...they ignored me." Her final words came out as a whisper. "Ya know, there were somedays tha' I wouldn' even git outta bed...an' my foster parents never checked on me. They never asked me if I was okay, they didn' talk ta me except for a few words." It was very obvious that it bothered Stacy greatly...

Closing her eyes for a brief moment, she shook her head. "There were 'bout ten of us in all...ten of us orphans. They didn't talk ta me either." It was getting harder to speak, harder to force to words out with each passing moment; but she had to keep going, or she'd never finish. "Sometimes I wished they'd beat me...ya know, jus' so that someone would touch me." A small laugh escaped her, "Kinda crazy, but I never hugged anybody...ya know, not when I wasn't havin' sex wit' dem. I just never felt right...I never felt like I should touch anybody."

And that was the truth of it now. "Physically or emotionally...I can't...I jus' can't let people in. Cause' if I do, they hurt me." Looking down, she pressed her hands to her abdomen. "When I was 'round 12 years old, I started ta talk, ya know. I saw tha' other kids were gettin' attention by goin' to school an' doin' well...but they didn' let me go ta school. They jus' kept me in th' house, away from th' rest of tha kids." The unspoken words were clearly: because I looked different than them. "I mean, there weren't any locked doors but I think tha' emotional barriers are a lot worse."

And Stacy's emotional barriers were already broken at this point. "I started gettin' real sick, an' real violent. It got so bad they took me ta a mental hospital. An' they didn' just poke into my mind, they took my body apart, them damn doctors did...I was th' perfect canidate, a warden of th' state, without parents an' I was funny lookin'." Tears started building in the back of her throat. "I was there fer two years...two years. An' then I ran...an' tha's where my life truly began...but that ain' it...I jus'...I just need a second to compose myself." Stacy was too entangled with her emotions now, she had to take a step back.

It wasn’t only the description of what Stacy had gone through that sent a shiver of disgust and deep sympathy throughout her entire body, no, it was also the emotions she could feel behind it. Maybe being an Empath wasn’t always that fun, but it was times like this that Mana was glad she was, because it meant she could really be there for someone, not only with an ear to listen, but a power that would let her truly understand.

Noticing that Stacy had moved in closer to her, the telempathic healer reached over to slip an arm around her shoulders, partly to offer comfort, partly to show her that she would give her a hug whenever she wanted it, and partly to let her know she understood, and was waiting for her to continue, as Mana felt that no words at this point would do any good.

If the teen chose to pull away from her half embrace, that too, Mana would understand.

Stacy was sure that Mana had no idea how good it felt to have her support. As Mana hugged her, Stacy placed her hand on Mana's arm, completing the 'circut', in a roundabout way. It was actually the first time that Stacy had felt comfortable doing something as personal as this. Clearing her throat gently, Stacy attempted to release the clog of tears that was sitting heavily in her chest. But to no avail, Stacy was forced to continue with the weight sitting on her like a boulder.

Taking another heavy breath, Stace continued once more. "I should clarify...I was released from th' mental hospital as healthy. Nothin' was wrong wit' me...an' they didn' want ta spend any more money on me. O'course they told me I was manic depressive an' all sorts of mental mumbo jumbo...it's all crap. I ain' no manic depressive, I jus' didn' have anyone ta share my life wit'...I was a lonely soul." And she still was. The unspoken words were very clear in that regard. Stacy was still a social outcast.

The next part would be the hardest to tell. It was too shocking for even Stacy to bear...she didn't even know how Mana was going to take it. "So, I took off...an' I moved into an overflow. Tha' means I lived in tha' part of the sewer that fills with water only when tha' city reaches floodstage." Looking down, she shook her head. "Unfortunately, it was New Orleans...they were always in flood stage." Taking another breath, she completed her thought. "So I lived in a puddle fer about a month...an' I got pretty damn sick, as ya might imagine."

Oh the pneumonia that had racked her body...the infection. It had nearly killed her. "But then this gal came by...ya know, there are a whole groupa' funny lookin' mutants down there. She...she found out about my powers an' said she could take me somewhere safe and warm." Leaning back against the wall, Stacy rested her head. "An' in the middle a' December in New Orleans, I was ready ta sell my soul to the devil for some relief." Closing her eyes, "I didn' sell my soul though...I sold my body."

Keeping her eyes firmly closed, Stacy couldn't stop the tears from leaking out from beneath them. "I was 14..."

Mana’s mouth fell slightly open. To feel that helpless, that low, that alone, that… to feel like there was no other choice… again Mana shuddered, and if Stacy had chosen to look into her mind at that point, the link between them allowing for much more than just feeling the emotions, she would have seen the pain this information caused her, because now she felt a part of the teen; the Empath cared about her, and to not be around to help her when she needed it the most… that tugged at the healer’s empathic heartstrings.

“I…” Mana started, unsure what to say. What could she say that could make the obvious emotional pain and regret Stacy was feeling go away? She wouldn’t judge, she wouldn’t say anything along the lines that most would say…

“You had a choice. You didn’t have to take that path.”

“What, how could you choose something that awful?!”

“How could you be so stupid? You should have just walked away.”

No, Mana refused to sink so low as to think she knew anything about what the teen had been going through at that time; what she must have been feeling, fighting, enduring.

“I really don’t know what to say, Stace,” she said, gently, “All I can say is that you are away from all of that now. Don’t dwell too much on what you can’t change, dwell on what you can, and will, in the future.” She didn’t know if that made any sense to the girl, because, on some level, it didn’t even make sense to her.

Stacy was horrified when Mana spoke. “All I can say is that you are away from all of that now. Don’t dwell too much on what you can’t change, dwell on what you can, and will, in the future.” It wasn't just anger that coursed through her body, it was pain and regret too. "You don' understand, Mana. It ain' over, an it ain' never gunna be over!" She bit out.

Taking a deep breath, she let her tirade continue. "Don' ya think tha I've tried ta let it go. My god, tha times I've tried!" She was shaking now, "But every time I see tha face of a client or if any man even comes near me...I git this sick feeling in tha bottom of my stomach. I can't stop it! I jus' know tha somewhere down tha line, no matter how hard I try...they're gunna hurt me." Her voice was riddled with every painful emotion Stacy felt...and there were many.

"Let me finish..." She swallowed. "I started workin'...ya know, jus' helping out around front until they had time ta get me ready. An' 'bout a week after I arrived at the Ranch, they found the highest bidder." It wasn't obvious, because of Stacy's scales, but a dark blush was coming over her. "This guy, from somewhere in Louisiana was willin' ta pay a good thousand dollars fer my virginity. Ya know...men like ta pay fer things like that." She swallowed, wrapping her arms around her knees.

"Oh god, Mana...it hurt so much. I cen still feel the pain...I can still see 'is face." Stacy dissolved into shaking, and had to stop. There was so much more to tell, but it was all too much at once. It was very obvious that Stacy had never bared her soul this way. All she wanted was someone to understand...that would be her absolution.

And Mana did understand, but she didn’t know how to portray that to her new friend with words, so she opened her mind to the girl, letting her feel her reaction to all of this, her apology for not knowing the right words to help her, her pain at not being there for her when she needed a friend the most; her own emotional turmoil at knowing Stacy had lost her virginity in such a painful way; at how she wished she could do something to make the fear and desperation go away; how she would be there for her no matter what; the honest feeling, that if she let it, time would heal all wounds, no matter how much Stacy felt it wouldn't ever right now.

What she left out was the shock she’d felt at her reaction to her words, the temptation to just shut up and just let her talk, not interjecting anything, not even her thoughts.

She could offer her friendship, she could share her pain, but she could never truly understand.

Stacy gulped back the cactus in her throat one more time and searched for the right words. Mana had opened the mind link between them, allowing her to feel some comfort. But there was still so much to work through. She'd only just begun...

"Ya know, it wasn' so bad after that. I got used to it." She looked away, a small chuckle emitted from deep in her throat. It was mirthless...but still a new emotion. "After a couple hundred times, anybody could git used to it." Shrugging, she rested her head on her knees. "An' they paid me real well...I'd make a couple thousand a night, jus' in tips on toppa my salary, which ain' too shabby. I got 50 bucks an' hour." It was starting to become more and more obvious why Stacy had stayed...

"I needed tha' money so bad. An' X-Ranch was a good deal...I got food, shelter, they paid fer the doctor's bills an' birth control. Tha's the thing that scared me tha most, Mana." Stacy said, taking the girl's arm again. "Every month I would make myself absolutely sick...bein' pregnant scared me more than anythin' else." Closing her eyes, a shudder overtook her. "I thank any god that'll listen tha it never happened. An' I ain' got any STDs or VDs...or HIV. Cause' there were girls tha' did git it...an' I saw em' die."

Mana’s eyes studied her, not sure whether to open her mouth and say something, so she opted for just a nod, and three simple words, “Me too, Stace,” before thinking about how, although Stacy’d felt dirty and sad at what she’d been doing, she’d also seen it as a good means of getting by. Still, deep down, Mana knew that if she’d ever been faced with death or that, she would have chosen death.

Truly, though, she couldn’t say that, because it was one thing to think that, yet a whole other to actually experience the lead up to such a choice; pretty much what Stacy had been through.

She stayed silent, waiting for the girl to either continue, or announce that was all she wanted to say.

Stacy was very interested in how Mana knew what she had felt. She seemed full of emotion as well as she said, “Me too, Stace,”. But Stacy didn't think it was right to ask her how it was that she knew...if Mana wanted to share her story with Stacy, she would. But Stacy didn't feel like forcing people to do things got her anywhere at all. Four years as a hooker had hammered that home.

"So, I worked there fer 4 years. Every month was th' same...fear, anger, sometimes I'd even make myself physically sick waiting fer my period or tha' horrible pink slip that would land me in th' 'Bargain Basement' of X-Ranch. They put th' ones tha' were sick or knocked up down there..." Shuddering, she wrapped her arms around herself. "My best friend...a girl tha' I knew the day I got here..."

Stacy swallowed the lump in her throat. "'Er name was Camille...real pretty girl, long blonde hair, dark eyes. She wasn' a mutant as far as I knew...but she was jus' so pretty and acceptin' tha' nobody cared." Running her hand through her long dark hair, she continued although it was one of the hardest things she'd ever done. "About tha fourth year we was there, Camille started gettin' real sick. Ya know, nothin' real big, jus' headaches an' bloody noses. Stuff tha' I take fer granted...I don' get stuff like tha'"

A sob tore from her throat, and Stacy could no longer hold the tears back. "An' they kept sayin', Camille's fine Stace, go back ta work. It ain' nothin' ta worry about. She's just got a cold." Wrapping her arms around herself, as her body shook from the tears, she forged ahead in her story. "They didn' tell me a cold could kill er'. Camille had really advanced AIDS...ya know, on her final days. By tha' time that X-Ranch actually acknowledged it, it was too late...Camille died an' her clients did too."

The hot tears splashed down her face. "An' I couldn' stay anymore. I left. I couldn' take it anymore."

Now Mana was visibly shuddering, her hands shaking with the emotions of someone else roiling through her. When the tears began to fall, the pyrokinetic healer couldn’t stand it no more, reaching over to take the teen in a full hug, resting her head against her upper chest, the only words coming from her mouth, attempted ones of solace, “Sssh, Stace, it’s gonna be okay. It may not happen overnight, but it’s gonna be okay. I promise I will see to that,” running a hand consolingly through the black of her hair.

~My life is nothing compared to what she’s been through,~ Mana thought to herself, realising a point of fact: It was times like this she had no reason, nor any right, to complain.

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TBC

Edited by: Mana4X2 at: 5/7/06 7:46 am